I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
