this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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