Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
