um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
