It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize