he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
