Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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