i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't think brook has ever known best
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
