Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
