Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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