I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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