my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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