It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
