I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
