her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
