You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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