Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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