i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
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Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
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I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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