There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
pop tarts are not kleenex
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize