You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
