I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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