dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
