I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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