take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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