On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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