yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
