You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
