trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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