i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
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Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
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I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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