If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
