Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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