Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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