let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
