The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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