Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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