Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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