so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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