you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
