I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
it was like eating out sand paper
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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