it wasn't lemon gatorade
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
