Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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