it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
