I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
