On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Let's get the cat blown out
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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