Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
