im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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