She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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