i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
