I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
