I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
