barbara walters just said penis...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
