turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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