sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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