Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
