so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
North Korea, Best Korea!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
