3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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