I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
