im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
